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Just needed to get it off my chest

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So I'm pretty much just having an off day and just want to get stuff off my chest really. I'm the type that tends to be the one who helps fix people's problems and hates to have to make them listen to mine. So figured this is a good way to vent since I don't really know any of u.

I'm kinda at a low point in my dating life right now. Yes I've been single for 25 years so I guess it's been a ton of lows. I see friends kissing, being in love, and happy and I'm extremely happy for them. Just wish it would happen to me as well. Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed. I have an amazing job, greatest family and friends you could ask for, get to travel the world etc. But I can't lie, not having someone be there for me kinda sucks.

Most of it's my fault I guess. I'm insecure as hell, talk to much, come off wrong, my words are misinterrupted, way too honest, I come on strong, I'm an open book, stubborn, head strong, independent, and the list goes on. In other words I'm probably the furtherest from flawless as they come. I just don't know how to fix it. I always want to be myself, it's just I've been out through a ton with guys. It's hard for me to open up when I've been played and rejected so many times. Seems like everytime I start building my confidence it gets broken down by someone. I want the guy who can accept those flaws, help me work on them, make me a better person, etc. But I'm starting to think that will never happen.

I was the chubby kid all my life, first time without a shirt on in public was last year. So I think that has a lot to do with it. Just how do u fight that mentality u have lived with for so long? Blah... I'm pretty sure I'm destined for single life forever. I realize I'm probably a 6/7 out if 10 and I'm ok with that. Just can I be that bad looking that no one wants me?

I guess it's just life. Sorry for the depressing post. Just don't like going to friends with this kind of stuff. I'm the one everyone comes to for positive advice. Don't want them burdened with my problems. If anyone has advice feel free to comment. If not that's totally cool, just feels good to get some things off my chest.

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