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Dance

Tell Me Your Life Story? Your Problems? Your Feelings?

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I've decided to make a thread where each and every one of us can express his/her emotions. Problems while growing up, problems that you have at this moment and stage in your life. Dont be shy to tell anything, I've come to realise that opening up and speaking up is not a scary thing , it is a thing you should definitely do to vent. 

So tell me all your stories here pls, lets share, once you know there are people similar to you (and there are its a world of almost 8 billions of ppl) things are far easier :) you're not alone! 

I'll start   :) With the story of how I managed to (Somewhat) grow up, and kind of am still doing it :mhm:


The story goes like this:

I have grown in a very conservative enviorment and family, where being gay is completely forbidden and basically considered a deadly sin :( I knew I was gay since i was basically 8/9/10 , somewhere around. But I always managed to push it to the back of my mind and not pay attention to it. The more I grew the more i realised how difficult it is, i had religious confrontations inside of me, and my nature demanded to shine, to come out and be who i truly am. But I couldn't :( I was also very bullied during my entire primary school which didnt help. And almost 2 years ago it all suddenly just hit me , literally all of a sudden, like someone opened the gate to some monster in my head and it came out. What came out was very high level of social anxiety and depression. I didn't realise it in the beginning as i have never encountered these feelings before in my life. So i went to see a therapist (secretly) and she told me i suffered really high level of social anxiety and medium level of depression (hopelessness) . She wanted to put me on meds but i denied as I knew how those meds work on you and they don't really solve the problem permanently. So i decided to heal it by myself. It was difficult, when i was around ppl I felt like throwing up, i had fit fever (literally) and I'd sweat and wanna cry instantly. I didn't see colors in anything because of my depression, everything was pointless and hopless to me. Nobody knew how i suffered as i didnt tell anyone, my instincts wanted me to just put the curtains on, sit in my room all day, cry and do literally nothing. I couldn't eat, I didn't wanna eat, whenever i even glanced at food i felt like throwing up, and this kept happening for a year. My parents had no idea as I didn't wanna tell them. Because how could I? They don't approve of their song being gay, was i just gonna say "hey mom and dad im suffering social anxiety and depression cuz im gay" , that wouldn't go well at all. So i remained quiet. Unfortunatelly, i paused my studies for a year, as I couldnt deal with it at all, i had so much going on inside of me, a living hell! My parents thought I was lazy and didn't wanna study so I had to argue with them almost every single day. I still didn't wanna take meds, even tho i was tempted a lot , but I considered it the easy way out, and one thing my very wise dad has taught me is that , the easier way is never the better way. 

So I decided I needed to change things. I decided I had to go out with friends, for walks, even tho for a person suffering depression, the hardest thing (as u already know) is to go out, socialize and try to be happy. But I did it, I had to do it. I told to myself, this world belongs to fighters, to troopers, to people who go through thin and thick and dont fall on their knees, they dont cry in helplessness, they don't sob over their destiny and life, they get up and try to change it. The richest and most successful people are the ones who suffered the most (not talking about their rich spoiled bitch-ass kids who got everything on their plate , they r worthless parasytes) , im talking about actualy people who went from nothing to everything. They suffered the most, yet they didnt fall , they got up, continued to fight, because a true hero gets wounded, a true hero gets arrows all over his body, but he goes on. A fallen hero stays down crying. And I decided not to be a fallen hero. I went out even tho it was so difficult, i threw up almost every day when I was out because my social anxiety worked against me with all its force! But guess what, after 3 weeks of doing that, i woke up one morning, and suddenly, things werent black anymore, they were now grey, my thought didn't torture me AS MUCH, they still did , but not like before. And I got up, i got up happy because I knew it worked. And I continued, as time passed by, my thoughts turned to white , to all the happy colors of this world. I started becoming grateful for all the things I have, I've turned to God, and I thanked him. I stopped comparing myself to people who have it better and easier than me , and looked behind me to see people who have it far worse and harder than me, yet remain strong and positive. I continued my university education, and guess what? This year im speeding up my studies! Which basically means I will get to do 2 remaining years of my education in one . It will be hard as hell, I'll have to work my ass off as I'll have 20 very difficult exams in a single year. But you know what? I'll do it! Because not only did I manage to come out stronger, better, I managed to take the time taken from me back! I managed to make up for my lost year! And once I do this, I will manage to leave my country, do my master studies in a much better country, where I can be ME! I have a goal, a purpose. In that new land I'll get a job, get new friends, have a good salary and I will manage to shape my life. I will do what I love (If God helps me) , which is to work for a publishing company ( cant wait) , my Major is suited for this kind of job. Oh and Also 1 year and 6 months ago I started gym, lost my belly, got them abs, and some badass muscles. I grew my hair and beard too :D im happy with who i am inside out! (I forgot to mention, train your ass off if you're depressed, go jog, go to the gym, go walk in the nature, go rock climbing, go hiking, go camping, go swimming every single day, anything, exercising helps so much , you will feel better , happier, and more satisfied with yourselves!)

SO PEOPLE! THERE IS HOPE! THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE! NEVER EVER EVER! GIVE UP ON YOUR LIFE, ON YOUR DREAMS AND ON WHO YOU ARE. 

You got to be troopers, as hard as it is, you gotta do it, because the biggest joy hides in the hardest things. Luck comes to those who fight for it, remember this. 

If Brit could do it, if I could do it, then so can you! :)


So that's my story in short (pretty long text now that i just noticed, sorry about that lol) , tell me yours, no matter how long it is, go ahead and let it out :) I will read to it and listen to you! 

Love ya'll :hug: 

Here's an inspirational song by flawless Leona Lewis 



P.S. sorry for some spelling mistakes, i was writing this really fastly :mhm: And I'm lazy to correct them all now :orangu: 

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